THE FRONT PORCH

Sunbathing Can Cause Plane Crash

As I sit on the front porch this morning I’m recalling some conversation that happened yesterday.  It’s funny how memories flood our minds at times isn’t it?  The conversation wasn’t important, but the context of it is what brought back the memories.

     Coming from an era where we walked to school and had phones that were attached to the wall, low technological world is an understatement.  I remember when I got the first computer in our house.  Being a single mom of six just the cost of it alone was ridiculous, but I had heard how you could make so much money from home with it that I thought it’d be great that I could actually parent and work from home. Most people with six kids would have been trying to find a job outside of the home, but not me because I had heard “you can do it all” and I believed it. Well, either I never really figured that computer thing one out or it was just a plain lie because I wound up working 60-80 hours a week outside of the house. I never did find that pot of gold inside that thing.

     Over the years technology has grown so much that we don’t even have to talk to each other. At least not with our voice. Most people today it seems communicates with email, texts or whatever new thing is out.  I’ve actually seen families where one is sitting in the living room and texts the one in the kitchen to bring them something.  I’m not really good with all the technology crap out so that wouldn’t work in my house. I just keep putting the phone on charge right where the person texting can hear it next to them when their text comes in.

     It’s funny how life happens. You meet people, fall in love, break up and move on. That’s how I wound up in Mississippi with my second husband Now, there are a lot of technologically challenged people in the world today, but my husband is still from the stone age technologically speaking. He has never wanted anything to do with the newer advances of life. We still do everything pretty much the hard way.  I keep saying it’s just because he’s cheap. I mean why buy a newer washer that takes so much less time to do clothes when he has me to take them to the river, slam them on the rocks and hang them out to dry so he can have that “fresh air smell?” Um hum. Cheap skate.

     When I first came to Mississippi, I was younger and still had that thought of wanting to look sexy for him. One of my biggest pet peeves was tan lines. So, while he was at work, after I’d done all my housework, I’d go out into my truck and lay in the sun. I’d crank up the radio and lay in the sun naked. We live in the boonies so I really didn’t see anything wrong with this, unless I was afraid of scaring the deer away.

     Because my husband doesn’t seem to be very observant, I never gave my sunbathing much thought. One day I was wearing a tank top and my husband asked why I didn’t have “any lines.”  Asking him to explain his question I understood that he thought it was odd that I had been in the sun and no shirt lines show.  I told him how I go out back during the day and lay naked in the truck. The shocked look on his face startled me.  I thought why is he so upset about sunbathing?  That’s when I realized that he wasn’t just technologically challenged, this man was scared to death of technology! His fears came shining through.

     “Do you know those planes, those pilots can see you naked!” He emphatically said.
     I looked at him dumbfounded and said, “Well do you think I’ve caused any to wreck? I don’t want to be responsible for killing people.”
     “You don’t understand, those pilots and the satellites can see everything that goes on from up there.  You know those pictures that Randy showed us that the satellite took of our yard and it showed all the stuff that we have?  Well, they can see you too.”

     Looking back now, and hysterically laughing at myself, I realize just how easy it is to get caught up in someone else’s hysteria. I mean he made me really think, really wonder if this was possible. I mean, I’m the person who after a shower sees myself in the mirror and it scares me! I don’t want to be, I can’t be responsible for causing plane crashes. I couldn’t believe that a plane or a satellite could see me from the sky.

     The next day, I was in denial and after the housework I went out back to lay in the sun. I’d been laying there for probably thirty minutes and all of a sudden I heard a huge thud on the truck and “Ahhhh I caught you!”  Like a jack rabbit scared by a coyote out of it’s hole, I grabbed my towel to wrap around me and bolted out of that truck in fear.  I almost killed myself trying to escape my sunbathing den.  I was sure a plane had falling from the sky and my husband’s fears had come crashing in.

 There stood my husband with a proud smirk on his face and declaring that if the planes and satellites couldn’t see me someone could sneak up on me just like he did.

     Needless to say, I haven’t caused any planes to crash or satellites to fall from the sky since that day. My husband thinks it’s because I believe the things in the sky can see me. No, I just realized how easy it was for a friend to come looking around the house to see if we were home and I didn’t want to scare them so bad I’d be responsible for their heart attack.

     Well, my coffee cup’s dry and I have to get started with the day. I’m really good at procrastination, but I can’t put things off any longer. I’m hoping your day will be filled with happy memories and bring  a smile on your face. See you back on the front porch soon!